In Defense of Projection

Projection Has a Bad Reputation: Jung's Marriage Quaternio and Couples Therapy

In The Psychology of the Transference, Jung’s marriage quaternio implies that no relationship is ever simply a person meeting their opposite (a partner). Each partner also carries an inner opposite, the Anima or Animus. In other words, four figures take part in every exchange: two conscious personalities and the two contrasexual figures behind them (which we could think of as soul-projections).

This means that three meetings happen at once:

• masculine meets feminine between the partners

 • masculine meets feminine within each partner

 • projections move constantly between these positions

How Can Couples Work with the Unconscious?

Two conscious personalities can understand each other perfectly, but remain stuck. When that happens, it points at an internal (unconscious) conflict The wound sits deeper, between the conscious self and the Anima/Animus figure operating beneath awareness. A partner triggers that wound, but they do not create it. This is where the function of projection comes in. And it serves a purpose.

In Embodied Polarity I describe it this way: “In Jung’s work, projection shows up as the mirror of all that is unresolved and unfamiliar within and between us.” We are always engaging with multiple levels: a whole system of parts.

Couples can learn to work with these unconscious aspects, but it requires a great deal of curiosity and commitment. They must be willing to do the deep digging required to bring the unconscious into our awareness. When we do this while in relationship with a partner, this can get messy: it brings up all sorts of discomfort, fears, and shame. Polarity work requires that we sit with all of that "stuff".

The Jungian perspective takes couples work to a deeper level: it always points to the whole system that is active underneath. When projection is treated only as a defense (“you are projecting”), it is approached as a verdict. This sells it short. Jung helps us reframe it as a really helpful mechanism through which our unfamiliar parts become visible. The same applies to the function of the Shadow. Jung invites us to engage with the unconscious, regardless of how it presents itself to us. We often resist this, as we misunderstand it. The moment we start to get curious about what comes up to the surface (what is brought into our conscious awareness), we gain access to our deeper layers. This happens in relationships, too, and it adds value.

How Can Therapists Help Couples Work With the Unconscious?

The therapist’s task shifts from improving the exchange between two conscious personalities to asking what each reaction points to, and which inner figure it belongs to. The partner remains real and accountable for their behavior, of course. But the question is always: what (deeper layer) does this bring into our awareness?

This is also why relationships are perhaps the most efficient engine of individuation: every interaction activates both the actual partner and the unconscious polarity each of us carries within.

That shift in perspective makes a great difference in how we approach conflict, tension, and the whole function of relationship dynamics.

See: C.G. Jung, The Psychology of the Transference, Collected Works, vol. 16